i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
