so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
