Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
