i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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