You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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