I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
