mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My breasts were aching with rage.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
