My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
