Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
