he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
