If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
