Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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