Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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