You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
