dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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