I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
