my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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