I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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