She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
