When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
