the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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