his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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