Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So vagazzling was a success
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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