just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
