What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
