he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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