You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
