she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
