I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
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