Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
