if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
