i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
These tits shall not be calmed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
