I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
