Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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