He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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