why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
