11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
