I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i think my mom watched the whole time
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
