you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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