I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
