Dude my mom stole all your condoms
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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