Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
