Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
