Say something about gay babies.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Randomize
