I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
