I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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