rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
