I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there's paper in my vomit.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
