Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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