New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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