Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
