Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
