Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
