What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
