She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
