the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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