Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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