The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
