...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
