i just google imaged poop.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
