That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
did i just pee glitter
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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