You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
