god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize