is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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