hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We need to get me chipped asap
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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