Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
