We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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