i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You left your phone here
Wait...
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