Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
