We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
