My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
