I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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