You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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