Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
