It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
