You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
