Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize