I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
