hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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